Learning from myself

Cover of Sowing Freedom, Reaping Joy

As I shared when I started posting again, I had been struggling for a while. As I said, the grief journey is not linear, and that is a big part of my silence. But there is more. The world is very dark right now. We are experiencing a rise in authoritarianism, there are multiple wars, there is genocide, there is an erosion of the rule of law in the United States, and there seems to be tremendous apathy towards all of that from far too many people in my sphere.

The Catholic Owned Book Club is reading my first historical novel, Sowing Freedom, Reaping Joy. I had not read this novel in its entirety since right after publication in twenty nineteen. As I re-read the book, I was struck by the fact that the characters in the story are living through very dark times. Slavery, disease, an unstable political landscape. And yet, they find hope, they find purpose, they find joy.

There will always be dark times. That does not excuse me from trying to bring as much light as I can. It does not excuse me from remaining hopeful that God is still loving me and the rest of His children, and seeking to bring all of us into closer communion with Him.

As I read my book again, and discuss it with the book club, I am reminded that I wrote these characters who had suffered indignities that I will never suffer, and yet they remain convinced of God's love, confident in His promises, and joyful in their everyday lives.

All lessons for me as I try to navigate the darkness in the world today. God is still good, the world is still a magnificent and beautiful place, even if there are many people who have turned away from protecting this earth and the people on it.

I will continue to struggle whenever I let myself dwell on what is broken. Focusing on what I can't fix stops me from fixing what I can.

I am trying to stay focused on being and bringing the light. Just like the characters in my book, I may not be able to fix the problems of the world, but I can make the world a little gentler and kinder for the people I interact with. We all can.