Approval Junkie

Banner advertising my Podcast Debut

Yesterday was the day! I made my podcast debut on the Lead Different! Podcast. In the weeks since the podcast was recorded, I went from a super high to an incredible amount of self-doubt. Imposter syndrome stalks all of us, and I am especially vulnerable when I step out of my comfort zone.

A few friends and my daughter and son-in-law came to the house to watch with me. I wasn't embarrassed by anything I said or did, and the feedback in the room was all positive.

I got an email from the host this morning, and his feedback was positive.

If you haven't seen the podcast and would like to, here is a link: LeadDifferent!

There was also a short excerpt from the interview posted ahead of the broadcast - you can see that at this link: Promo

This is where the approval junkie in me starts to take over and have a problem. Were my in-person guests just being kind? Did everyone else think I bombed? Did people feel like they wasted their time watching?

I did get feedback from two friends and both were complimentary. That should be enough. But a thing I have learned about myself since retiring is I miss the constant feedback loop my work provided. I thrive on approval, but I actually appreciate constructive criticism too. As a writer, feedback is sparse. In my volunteer work, I get positive feedback, but that is the nature of volunteering, positive feedback is how volunteers get compensated.

I realized this morning that I need to work on giving myself feedback, honest feedback, and then let go. Constantly seeking external approval is exhausting and non-productive.

Like any addiction, the first step is recognizing I have a problem. Done. Now it is time to work on breaking the cycle.

I know it will be a journey. But it is ridiculous to waste time and emotion worrying about things that ultimately don't matter.

What matters is that I treat others kindly, that I take care of my friends and family, that I try my best every day to put some goodness into the world.

At the end of the day when I take stock of myself, what I will work on focusing on is what I gave, not how it was received.

I will always appreciate approval. I just need to stop depending on it.