All the feelings

Honestly, all the feelings. I knew this race would be emotional. It always is. The St. Jude Memphis Marathon weekend is all about raising money for St. Jude Children's Research Hospital. Many participants wear yellow armbands signaling they are cancer survivors who were treated at St. Jude. Others wear purple armbands signaling they are family of children who were treated or are currently being treated at St. Jude.

Participants wear the names of children they are running for. The race course takes the participants into the campus of St. Jude, where family and patients cheer you on. So much emotion.

I am so very grateful to my family and friends who came to Memphis for the weekend. I am so grateful to all who donated to Team Cecil. There were a lot of tears yesterday.

Along the course, people would see the shirt, and yell "Go Team Cecil". Cecil and I walked so many half marathons together between 2014 and 2020. I missed him so much at times yesterday. Hearing him cheered for even though he is gone brought tears every time.

I had a wonderful day surrounded by my family and friends. So much love and laughter, so many memories revisited, so many new memories made. My heart swelled watching my family and friends interacting with each other. Things were so relaxed and natural that it seemed like everyone had always known each other, even though most of them met for the first time this weekend.

I feel truly blessed. I am also struggling with a terrific sadness.

I am trying to lean into the gratitude, and the blessedness, and the love. I made new happy race day and post race memories yesterday. There is light ahead. There was conversation today about making an out of town race an annual event. A new thing to look forward to. This journey through grief will never be easy, but the good news is I am surrounded by love. One day at a time, feeling all the feelings, trusting that someday, I will be able to lean all the way into the joy.